I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
