help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
