It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
