how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
