textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
