I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
