youre lurking in front of me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
