I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
