So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
