I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
