He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
