Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
