i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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