i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
