After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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