What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
