I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
