Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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