Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
