i think i have two assholes
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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