sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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