Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
