You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
