"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When are your genitals available?
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