Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This house was built for laser tag.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
