You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my liver is dry heaving
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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