I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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