yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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