the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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