I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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