3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
