Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
