just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
