went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
