omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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