Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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