Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
