Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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