No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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