Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
