i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just google imaged poop.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
