I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
