I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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