I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
