The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
