areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
