sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
