Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
