It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
vagina is talking i cant
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
