what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
